Are you tired of being angry?
Are you tired of living with someone who seems to always be angry?
Read through the Quick Assessment to the right to see if you or someone in your family shows signs of anger problems.
Very few people will tell you that they enjoy being angry, but the fact is that anger definitely has it's uses:
Anger is often less uncomfortable than the emotions that underlying it.
Anger lets us know there is something wrong in our world.
Anger energizes us to address those problems.
However, unresolved anger causes us a great deal of pain. Resolving anger, setting appropriate boundaries, and repairing relationships is often difficult, but nowhere near as difficult as a life time of resentment, vindictiveness, and aggression.
Aggression is often confused for anger. They are not the same. Anger is an emotion. It is neither right nor wrong. Aggression is a behavior in which we attempt control others. Aggression ranges from physical violence to implied threats to subtle intimidation.
The problem with aggression is that it works! It often seems as though aggression is the only way we can effectively address the problems we are facing. It's not. Aggression often works in the short term, but always has a higher cost in the long run. Short-term gain, long-term pain! Damaged relationships within the family, work, or friends; physical tension, disappointment in ourselves, and lost opportunities are only some of the consequences of inappropriate aggression.
Living with an aggressive person doesn't work out so well either. Prolonged exposure to aggression often leads to an exaggerated aggressive response or retreating further into passivity. Our own desire to avoid conflict only prolongs the pain. But how do we respond to aggression without being aggressive ourselves? How do we set boundaries with a person who repeatedly has violated them?
Most people who spend a lot of time angry, think of their anger as a natural reaction to other people or situations rather than the way they are responding to those people or situation. Many people begin to believe that they deserve the aggression that is inflicted on them.
If you are beginning to recognize that anger is causing damage in your life, you're not alone, and there are better solutions.
If you are tired of being taken advantage of by those who treat you aggressively, it's time to learn ways to enforce your boundaries without joining in the aggression.
Which ever situation fits, we can help.